I Am Sure
by Gosurori-Otaku
Summary: He's never fought Amelia like this before.


**He's never fought Amelia like this before. [For the Angst_Bingo prompt 'Arguments/Fighting'.]**

**Spoilers for series 4, not so much for series 5. **

**This is technically part of a series. The story I'm writing for the prompt 'Post-Apocalypse' is basically the twin sister to this one. Two halves of a whole, if you like. Both can be read alone, though. A slightly better-edited version can be found at my livejournal (through my profile)  
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He's never fought Amelia like this before. Claire has been sent to her room, doubtless able to hear their voices through the paper-thin walls of this cheaply-rented house.

"Jimmy, please, answer me," Amelia asks, voice barely trembling. What little eye-make-up she wears is smudged around her eyes, half-dissolved by her tears. "Do you love me? Are you even my husband any more?"

"Ames..." He goes to hug her, hold her. "Of course. Don't you trust me?"

She pulls away, steps back, holds herself firmly an arm's length away. Won't look him in the eyes. His heart is breaking. Her heart, too. He takes a deep breath, knowing Amelia's answer. Stares at a particularly uninteresting patch of cheap carpet.

"Of course you don't. You're upset. Because of Castiel and his..." _Relationship. _He can't bring himself to say it. He glances at Amelia, her eyes locked on him, both of them trembling because of the words not said. Her mouth opens and those perfect lips and that perfect tongue and that perfect voice start quoting words from their pastor, their church, their family copy of the Bible.

"_Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind_." He looks up, meeting her gaze as she pauses. She takes a shaky, angry breath and continues. "_It is an abomination_."

He does the only thing he can think of. He stares deep into her eyes, quoting right back at her. "_For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."_ He grabs her hand and holds it as tenderly and gently as he can manage. She snatches it away.

_"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor the effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,"_ she hisses. Jimmy opens his mouth to speak, but Amelia carries on regardless. "_Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."_

"Amelia..." He understands her pain and confusion, he'd been the same when he'd realised what Castiel was doing. Okay, it had been slightly different, an angel responding instantly to his horror and revulsion and making him understand. "Amelia, it's not like that for angels. They don't... They feel differently from us. Cas... he's still learning how to have emotions."

"Don't worry, that makes it okay, then." He can recognise Amelia's steely brand of sarcasm.

"I mean, Cas isn't even really a guy." Amelia's eyes narrow. "They don't have gender. They're... God, It's hard to explain..."

"You're male. That...that Winchester is male." She can't put any more venom into 'Winchester', spitting it out like acid, a curse.

"I know, I know. Castiel says that the Bible gets more wrong than it does right-" He's cut of by Amelia, who runs a hand through her hair and steps away to the window of the room.

"Blasphemy now? Are you sure Castiel is even an angel?" Amelia shakes her head, and all of a sudden, she seems so... small.

"Honey... you were saved by him, weren't you? Weren't we all? I'd be dead if not for him."

"He tore our family apart. And you wouldn't have been in trouble in Castiel hadn't appeared in the first place."

"Amelia, he's a servant of God. Serving him is the right thing to do. I had to."

That was the wrong thing to say. She strides back towards him, furious.

"_It_ is a servant of God. No gender, remember? And no. No, you did not have to."

"Amelia, you would have done the same if you'd had the same exprerience." _And if I was the one left behind, if I were in your shoes, I would be the one crying._ Amelia wipes her eyes, knowing his unsaid words.

"I don't hate you. Not for what happened back when the apocalypse was nigh and God needed you." Amelia turns around, facing the door to the kitchen of the little rented house. "But what I do hate is that he's still using you. And for what? A love affair! With Dean Winchester, no less!"

"Amelia..." he began, half-heartedly.

"Don't you dare 'Amelia' me, James Novak. Why are you defending him? Why are you letting him use you like this? Is it really Castiel who goes to see Dean? Do you care about me and Claire at all?"

A jolt of sudden shock and anger flashes through him.

"What are you implying?" He puts a hand on her shoulder, gripping tighter than he would have normally. His voice takes on a sharp, furious edge that he immediately regrets. Amelia's shoulders stiffen. She's afraid. Or mad. Or both.

"I'm implying nothing, Jimmy. I want to know the truth." Her voice is strained.

"Amelia, I've told you. I've told you a hundred times. Castiel, he... when he was depowered, or whatever, he started becoming more human. Feelings. Faithlessness. He fell in love. And for whatever reason, so did Dean."

"That doesn't mean-" Amelia begins, but is shushed.

"Yes, it does. Cas is the reason we're still here, Amelia. So is Dean. And Sam. And all their allies."

"And you." She turns her head and glares at him, tear-streaked face still a picture of rage.

"Yes." He nodded. "And me."

"You've done enough."

"No. I haven't."

"Castiel is an angel. Why can't he drag someone else...?" Her voice breaks. He knows that she's well aware of the necessity of their situation, but she doesn't want to accept it. Can't accept it.

"You know why," he says gently, slowly burying his face into her beautiful, sweet-scented hair. She doesn't turn away, and he can feel her trembling, trying not to cry. "I'd rather lead a life of living hell than let him screw with somebody else's life. He uses me or nobody. You know that."

"How can you be happy?" She seems to have given up on not crying.

"I'm not. I wake up next to somebody I'm not in love with after a night I can't remember, having to tell them that the person they love has left without even a goodbye. It's not fun. It sucks. I hate it."

"I'm not happy, either. I hate it, too."

"I know, Ames, I know. But we can manage. We always manage. Amelia, I love you."

"I know." Her voice is so very, very small, barely a whisper. "That just makes it worse."

They stand for a while, silent, as Amelia calms herself down and Jimmy tries top persuade himself that this is all for the best and that they really will manage just fine. Neither of them really believes that, though.

"I tell you what." Jimmy manages, voice barely cracking. "I'll talk to Cas. I'm sure we can work something-" Pauses. Draws a shaky breath. "He promised to keep you safe. Protect you. He'll do something, I'm sure. It'll be okay, I promise."

"Yes," Amelia murmurs, half-heartedly. "I'm sure, too."

Both knows the other is lying.

**Notes: **

**1- Biblical verses used can be found in Leviticus, then Matthew (repeated in Galatians) and then Corinthians. King James version, hence all the Shakespearian lingo. Exact verse numbers and whatnot can be looked up using BibleGateway, if you're particularly interested.**

**2- Also, I may be a Christian, but I don't believe that the LGBT community is sinful or wrong or whatever. In the words of Lady Gaga... "No matter gay, straight or bi / lesbian, transgendered life / I'm on the right track, baby / I was born to survive." So Amelia's pain and Jimmy's discomfort is not a reflection of my own feelings, but rather how I see Dean/Cas playing out.**


End file.
